Thank you for all the positive feedback I’ve gotten. I’ve had these ideas for a long time but never knew how to implement them. It’s fun to see the results and hear how you are being helped.

I’m just back from a work retreat in Tucson, Arizona with a small group of people who are helping me bring my ideas into reality so I can support you better.

These ideas are going to start rolling out in the next couple months. The first thing to change is that I am taking my current Becoming Safely Embodied Skills Manual off the market.

After March 6th the Becoming Safely Embodied manual will no longer be available for purchase. It’s hard for me to do this but there have been some problems in the distribution and I’ve found some errors in it—so I’m going to be working on making it better! It sounds so cheesy—but if you want one, gotta buy it now!

Here’s what is in this ezine:

• an article on hope - an essential quality necessary for the healing journey
• practice section on setting intentions and making a choice
• NASW talk on Becoming Safely Embodied Skills April 4, 2009
• Boston Becoming Safely Embodied Workshop for Therapists April 17-18, 2009
• If you want to travel, I’ll be doing a couple of workshops in Scotland at the end of May, 2009
• links on where to buy the Becoming Safely Embodied Skills Manual

Nurture your hope,

Deirdre

Your Hope Will Guide You. Nurture it!

You’re on your way. It’s a long journey and that journey can feel torturous. But if you continue taking baby step after baby step, you will get where you want to go.

Preparation for the journey

When we go on a trip somewhere there’s a certain amount of planning that happens: figuring out the mode of transportation, the things you want to see, how long you’ll be gone, putting the mail on hold or arranging to have someone collect it, getting someone to look after the pets, and arranging for vacation time.

These same kinds of tasks are there when we go on an internal journey of healing. The only difference is that when we work inside ourselves the task is more about developing qualities of being.

Preparing for any journey has us look to the future, anticipating any number of experiences: fun/exciting/fulfilling/nourishing. Despite having traumatic life experiences we all have hope that life can be better.

Growing up is a different kind of journey

Most of us didn’t have an easy time of it as we grew up. We weren’t taught the skills to navigate our emotional inner world. We were often left scrambled inside, unable to sort out all the confusing and overwhelming data coming up from inside or from the outside in.

The most fundamental skill we didn’t learn is that we have a choice about how we can experience life. When our past intrudes into our present we often feel we don’t have a choice. We are catapulted into a morass of feelings, all threatening to take us down.

Every trauma survivor knows how hard and painful the journey is. It doesn’t feel like there is a choice. But there is.

When we acknowledge that for all unfair reasons this is our life, and if we make the decision to deal with it, we are one step ahead of feeling overwhelmed. We have made a fundamental shift in perspective.

The Choice: Hope for it to be better vs. Fear that it can never be better for you

Inside every person who hurts is a longing for life to be better, to be different. There’s a hope, sometimes secreted away, hidden deep inside. But it’s there; that hope, that longing is always there. This wish for more is an inherent, innate quality in all of us that usually gets squashed when there’s been a lot of suffering. We hope, even in the face of everything going bad. We might push the hope away and pretend we don’t have it. But I know because I’ve been there - somewhere inside, you hope. We all hope for it to get better. That it’s there is a given.

Since this hope has been so squashed and mangled it often takes being in the presence of others who can hold the perspective that change is possible, during those times when you can’t. (That’s one of the things I’m working on creating. I’ll be launching it in the next couple of months to address this hope for those who feel isolated and alone.)

Hope doesn’t just spring forward unabashedly. It requires cultivation and intention. That’s what you’ll put into action in the practice section below.

Even as we hope for it to be better there is a tremendous fear that we’ve been left out of the goodness equation of life. Others will get better. But not us. Not me. This ever present fear can completely absorb us, leaving negative imprints on our psyche.

Parts of us that protect us, not wanting us to be hurt again, disappointed yet again, will not be able to relinquish the fear easily. We gently need to understand their perspective.

Cultivating the capacity to focus the mind to move where you want it to go

When we set an intention to shift gears and cultivate a more positive or hopeful frame for our life we are laying the foundation. Another way to see it is we are preparing the soil in which to plant the seed(s).

In tending the soil, we care for its underground nourishment. We gently weed the ground, making sure the tender seed is not encroached on, so it can grow.

Learning to tend to this process moment by moment we begin seeing the world with a different set of glasses, a different perspective. The negative material gets balanced with the positive antidote: I am really scared and I am going to try to believe something different is possible.

Practice

Setting an intention and making a choice

In this moment if you could make a wish; if you had a preference, what outcome would you rather have?

• would you rather hope that life will get better for you
• or would you rather stay afraid that things will never change

There’s nothing wrong with staying afraid - or let me say, just by wanting a different outcome (the hope that it will get better) won’t eradicate the fear that things will stay the same. The fear may be there for a while. As you cultivate the hope it will contradict the fear more and more. Over time, the fear will diminish.

When you acknowledge the fundamental hope that life will get better for you, you are making the elemental choice. Beginning to more frequently cultivate this perspective will gently nudge you into finding ways for life to get better.

Here’s how the process happens:

Find a quality in yourself, or in other people, that you can focus on - that you can build a sense of appreciation for. Finding something in yourself might feel like a stretch at the moment. If that’s the case try doing a little research for a couple days.

One way I often suggest doing this is to carry around a small journal. When you see things you like jot them down. It might be the smile someone gave to you, or someone picking up something you dropped. It might be watching people do the mundane jobs of making life function better (taking out the trash, picking up garbage on the street.)

When you’ve compiled the list, notice if there is any quality that runs through all of them. Is there something that stands out to you? From out of the whole pile, what calls to you? What resonates with you?

Set an intention to focus on that quality for a few minutes in the morning. Then begin to notice how much more often that quality shows up throughout the day, in you and in the world around you.

(You may also want to start noticing how often you discount or push away the good things that are coming in!)

Workshops and Talks

• NASW talk, April 3, 2009, Regis College, MA
• Becoming Safely Embodied Workshop for Therapists, Boston area, April 17-18, 2009, Held at The Center at Westwoods, Westwood, MA
• Befriending Inner Chaos Workshop, May 18-19, 2009, Glasgow, Scotland
• Becoming Safely Embodied Workshop, May 21, 2009, Edinburgh, Scotland
  

Becoming Safely Embodied Skills Manual - No Longer Available After March 6th

Last chance! I’m making changes to the Becoming Safely Embodied Skills Manual. The good news is that it will be meatier, richer, and have a lot more material. The downside will be a higher price point. Current price is $29.95 plus S&H. For Sale at lulu.com or at www.amazon.com

One of the hard things, at least for me, is putting myself out there: being visible. Thank you all for being so receptive and welcoming. I’m really excited about the other things I’m developing and looking forward to sharing them with you.

With love and kindness,

Deirdre