I’m just back from a wonderful week in Scotland where I gave two workshops, one in Glasgow and the other in Edinburgh. My nourishing encouter with the Scots is the subject of the article below.

Now that I’m back I’ll focus on two things:

• my small, exclusive, transformational coaching group where I’ll be using a whole range of exciting tools, including the Becoming Safely Embodied skills to help people Live the Life They Want
• getting the Safely Embodied website, Forum and Membership Site up and running. We’re testing out the basics and will soon be able to launch it

This ezine has:

• an article on the generous kindnesses that arise when people are just being themselves willing to help others
• the Practice section on appreciating the simple kindnesses we all encounter in our daily lives
• Another option for travel: a workshop I’ll be doing in Dublin, Ireland in November, 2009

I’m filled with gratitude for the kind world we live in. Nurture your practice—and your heart,

Deirdre

The Simple Kindness of Strangers

One of the great pleasures of traveling is having the chance to see the small acts of kindness that people extend to strangers.

I had the lucky fortune of giving two workshops in Scotland in May. Between the two workshops I took some time to see some of Scotland and the city of Edinburgh. Scotland is, as the guide books say, physically beautiful - yet the true beauty lies in the people.

I was brave enough to be driving around on the “wrong” side of the road while I was there. I did pretty well! Well, at least until I had to drive into Edinburgh city. All the quick turns, honking cars and my uncertainty of where to go got me a bit unnerved. When I finally arrived at the conference site I was grateful to park.

Still wanting to see the city, I decided to take the bus into town. Of course, I hadn’t really looked at the map or figured out what to do or see. So, there I was, in the bus, reading my guidebook, looking at a map, not even sure what road we were on. A girl on the next seat took out her headset and helped me out, then plugged her headset back in. The bus went on. A few blocks later she took out her ears as she saw me trying to match every street sign with my map. She told me she had to get out but would show me where my stop was. Another young girl with two kids in tow said she was going further on and would show me which stop to get out. And so she did, waving at me through the window as the bus pulled on.

My eyes filled with tears and I could feel a choking in my throat. Edinburgh is an easy city to navigate, I really wasn’t in a difficult spot as I would be in a city where I didn’t know the language and couldn’t read the signs. Yet, there was something about the simplicity of their support, their willingness to take me under their wings for those minutes on the bus that left me touched and my heart soft.

I did my wandering through this beautiful city, enjoying the sights, tiring myself out. Toward the end of the day I had no idea how to get myself back to the bus route so I grabbed a taxi, empty on the side street. The cabbie didn’t seem so eager to take me out, but off we went right into the middle of rush hour traffic. For a city as small as Edinburgh I didn’t anticipate finding traffic you’d normally see in Bangkok. But there it was. We were barely moving for stretches of time.

Imagine my total and utter surprise when the cabbie started talking about the traffic and said it was partly his fault that we were stuck, not moving (a cabbie taking that kind of responsibility???) My jaw fell - my cynical parts usually think cabbies take the long way (sorry to all you cabbies for my prejudice.....) He apologized (what????) and then turned off the meter (WHAT???? I almost fell off the bench). He said it shouldn’t take that long and he couldn’t charge me for it taking that long. I told him it was his time, I didn’t want him to lose out on making money because I had decided to take the cab during rush hour. No, no, he said. It’s not a problem.

I was face to face with my cynicism.

Strangers being nice and helpful on a bus - well, that’s one thing. I can get that. Taxi drivers not milking me for every cent - well, that exposes me to some deeper schism in my psyche: my fear that others are always ready to take advantage of me.

Surprised by my experience, we arrived at the conference center. I gave him more money than he was asking. I didn’t know how to be with his generosity. In the face of his being-ness I only knew to respond with monetary generosity.

I was struck by how I had labeled him “surly” as I got in the cab. Maybe that was the face he shared with the world in that moment. Yet, that was only one piece of him. What a lesson he taught me. Don’t get sidetracked by the external presentation of others. Trust in the true nature of people, their simple kindness, their willingness to care for others, their desire to live from the heart of their values and integrity. Thank you, Mr. Taxi Driver.

Update from the Scottish Workshops

One of the workshops was in Glasgow at the invitation of Dr. Frank Corrigan, MD and the other via Fara McAfee in Edinburgh. I’m honored by their interest in helping people to become safely embodied and us the tools I’ve developed in their work.

Frank is pioneering brain scan studies of the effects of using the Becoming Safely Embodied skills. Fara, and her colleagues, Emma Ross and Shirley Patersonare doing the Becoming Safely Embodied groups and writing up qualitative results using a variety of tests. I will let you know the results as they develop.

(If, by chance, you’ve done one of the Becoming Safely Embodied Workshops, and would be interested in participating in the brain scan study, which will take place in Manchester, England, let me know and I will pass on your information to Frank.)

I loved hearing how other people use the skills and make the skills their own. Such was the case with Joan Galloway, MD who works in a day hospital in Fife, Scotland. Joan had taken the Becoming Safely Embodied Workshop a number of years ago in Dublin, was at the Glasgow workshop and was also presenting at the conference I was going to in Edinburgh. In one of our conversations Joan kept telling me about the Becoming Safely Embodied “spring” skill that she uses every day. I was puzzled. I couldn’t think of anything that I had dubbed “spring!”

During her presentation she used the technique to describe an intervention with a client. Ah! That “spring!” Joan is referring to the Reaction Cycle which didn’t make it into the manual. As she highlighted it in her work with clients I was really impressed and asked her if we could collaborate on it in the development of the Becoming Safely Embodied book revision that I hope to finish this summer.

It’s fun to collaborate!

Embodiment/Practice

If you’d like to join me, this is a practice I am taking on for the next month: seeing through the external presentation of others to appreciate the small moments of kindness in people just being themselves.

I figure there are thousands and thousands of people out there who are doing simple, little acts of kindness with no idea of their importance. What if we offer them a sincere moment of thanks? What if we saw them and their expressions as critical to the life of our planet?

It could be the simple moments of letting someone into traffic instead of rolling by them and blocking their access, it might be enjoying the pleasure of a child and trading delight with their mother, it might be responding to an email with more heartfelt attention than our usual cursory response.

Let me know , let us all know what you find, by posting on the Safely Embodied blog. I’d love to hear. I love being inspired by the lives you are leading.

Workshops and Talks

• Transforming Trauma: Meditation and Psychotherapy Symposium, Garrison Institute, June 17-20, 2009, Garrison, NY
• Private Coaching Group, June 21-25, 2009, Tucson, Arizona
• Our Broken Hearts: Mindfulness and Compassion in Healing Trauma (2 Day Workshop), November 13-14, 2009, Dublin, Ireland, Contact Pauline Beegan
  

I value your thoughts, comments and connection. Many of you have taken the time to write and let me know your thoughts. Coming out of isolation is a critical part of the healing process. I thought we might want to make it easier for you. Click here and we’ll send you to my blog where you can post to your hearts content!

With love and kindness,

Deirdre