There are so many exciting things happening and I’m enjoying all of them!

Keep your eyes open for a special email annoucement I’ll be sending out soon on a small, exclusive, transformational group where I’ll be using a whole range of exciting tools, including the Becoming Safely Embodied skills.

Some of you have heard me talk a bit about the Safely Embodied Forum, Discussion Group and Membership Site. All those are coming—soon! I’m learning that bringing a dream alive can take time. I’ll keep you posted, though. Many of you have told me you are waiting for them.

I want to thank the great bunch of people at the Boston Becoming Safely Embodied workshop. It was fun doing embodiment right next to robots! (We were at the MIT Museum.) A great benefit of doing the workshop is that there will be some groups happening in the fall in the Boston area. I’ll keep you update, I know some of you are waiting to hear when groups will be available.

For a quick scan of what is in this ezine:

• an article on what I learned from conversations with the Dalai Lama at the Meditation and Psychotherapy Conference at Harvard last week
• the Practice section on—yes, again it’s on practice! Remember what Mary Poppins said, “Practice makes perfect!”
• If you want to travel, I’ll be doing a couple of workshops in Scotland at the end of May, 2009

Nurture your practice—and your heart,

Deirdre

Teachings from the Dalai Lama

With my ezine entry already written for this month and ready to send to you, I left for the Harvard University Meditation and Psychotherapy Conference. The Dalai Lama was the main event, pulling in a record crowd. Although the Dalai Lama has incredible wisdom which is thoroughly documented in numerous books, what is wonderful about being with him is his humility, his joy, and his willingness to listen and learn about everything. It was heart opening for me both on a felt experiential level and intellectually.

There were a lot of rich moments. There was a thread throughout the day that aligned with previous ezines so I quickly rewrote this month’s ezine so I could highlight that.

One of the key pieces to the day was how significantly we can change our life by developing the positive states of mind that we want to generate. We are always practicing something. We’re unable to turn off our mental chatter (at least I speak for most of us!!); something is always running through our thoughts. If we’re judgmental and critical of ourselves or others, the presence of criticism and judgment will be more readily available to us.

If we practice compassion, or kindness, or gentleness, the same mechanism will be true. What we practice becomes more available to us.

For many with difficult histories, meditation might not be sitting in the lotus position, calming, closing our eyes and sitting for hours on the pillow. I firmly and completely believe that the principles of meditation, the power of meditation, actually happens in training the mind/body/heart throughout the day (what the Buddhists call “between the sitting meditation period”.)

We can train the mind at any point, anywhere, anytime. When we choose to practice, to focus our mind where we want it to go instead of allowing it to repeat what’s already familiar, we open the door to freedom. Now, that’s something worth living for! Here are some of the highlights of the day:

“The more we cultivate certain ways of thinking, the more habitual and familiar that way becomes.”

A number of big names in the field of psychotherapy were there to explore the larger topic of meditation and psychotherapy. One of them was Richard Davidson, affective neuroscientist known in the meditation world for his research studying the brains of monks. Davidson believes in neuroplasticity - the ability of the brain to remain flexible, adaptable, and trainable.

Davidson’s research confirms that the thoughts we think have a direct impact on our brain. Repetitive thoughts, practices, and experiences create a psychobiological norm in our brain. The more we think one thought, the easier it is to keep thinking that thought.

“To make changes in our mind requires enduring practice.”

Chris Germer, who just had a new book published on self compassion (and was the instigator for His Holiness coming (thanks, Chris!!!)) asked His Holiness to explain why, at the times when we need to be most kind to ourselves, we can become our own worst enemy. After reflection, the Dalai Lama responded that underlying self hatred is the desire to be perfect, to avoid judgment. On a conscious level, self hatred is the expectation for something good to happen. The yearning for something good gets thwarted and we think we’re to blame for that.

In utter humility His Holiness remarked, “I’ve practiced for 60 years with some effort of practice but it’s not been adequate. But one thing I can assure you, pursue those mental states through training. With hope, willpower, and practice you can master those very states you pursue” ... and later added “It may be achievable later on even if it doesn’t seem that way now.”

Janet Gyatso, professor of Tibetan Studies at Harvard Divinity School spoke eloquently and powerfully about the importance of the two aspects of meditation: concentration practices to calm the mind and insight practices to support our understanding and invite wisdom. She made a beautiful point of how important it is to have these two aspects working together.

All of us who have gone through our own healing process will recognize this truth: We can have a moment of insight that is hard to sustain over time. You may have had the experience of having a flash of insight in the office with your therapist, but once you leave, it’s hard to sustain that insight, hard for that insight to become wisdom, grounded in everyday life.

For that, we need repetition. We take the insight and focus on it, keeping our mind attuned to it, finding ways for it to become routinely and habitually part of our life. Janet told us that in Tibetan Buddhism the belief is, “Repetition meditation is thought to have enormous benefit - it naturalizes something into your life.”

Embodiment/Practice

How might you incorporate something new in your life? What kinds of thoughts are you prone to repeating until they become true through their familiarity?

If you like, you can keep a log during one hour of a day. Write down the thoughts that flow through your mind. Tally them at the end of the time.

What kinds of thoughts are you prone to? Generally speaking, do they make you feel good? Or are they the kind of thoughts where you end up feeling bad, disconnected, unsatisfied, or even distressed?

What would you rather be thinking? What thoughts would you rather permeate your mind and body?

How might you make that thought the next easy to achieve step rather than something that seems wonderful but you secretly don’t believe it could ever happen? For example, say you’d rather feel happy but you really don’t believe that could ever happen.

What middle ground might there be? Maybe it would be an easing of the pain. Or perhaps the softening of difficulties. You don’t want to reach for something that will end up feeling impossible. You’ll just start fighting against it if that’s the case.

You’ll probably find, at least it’s true in my case(!) that it takes many repetitions to counter the ease and familiarity of the less desirable thought. Richard Davidson’s research studying compassion has been with Tibetan monks with the minimum of 10,000 formal hours of meditation. That’s a lot of practice committed to changing a state and firming up a new pattern!

Let’s not use that number to get discouraged!! But rather, let’s use that number to motivate us about what’s possible if we put our dedication toward it.

What does it feel like inside you as you notice these simple experiences outside? Take a moment to reflect each day and let me know, let us all know by commenting on the blog. I’m really interested in what works and what doesn’t work.

Workshops and Talks

• Befriending Inner Chaos Workshop, May 18-19, 2009, Glasgow, Scotland
• Becoming Safely Embodied Workshop, May 21, 2009, Edinburgh, Scotland
  

I value your thoughts, comments and connection. Many of you have taken the time to write and let me know your thoughts. Coming out of isolation is a critical part of the healing process. I thought we might want to make it easier for you. Click here and we’ll send you to my blog where you can post to your hearts content!

With love and kindness,

Deirdre